WHAT'S MINE TO DO?
Recently a friend asked me this question:
“If a 1’s question to ask themselves is “Is this mine to do?”, what is the similar question for a 3 and a 9?”
Indeed, there are particular questions for each Enneagram number that are very helpful in moving us toward health in our number because they help us to catch ourselves dropping into unhealth because of our core motivation. We share those in our various workshops – and perhaps they may be an article for another day. But what this friend’s question got me thinking about once again is the need for every number, albeit for different reasons, to ask the question, “What is mine to do?”
Most definitely 1s, along with 2s and 6s, have a unique relationship with this question because of their Dependent Stance**. In fact, as Suzanne Stabile suggests, 1s, 2s, and 6s might even more accurately ask, “What’s NOT mine to do?” because of their strong tendency to believe everything that comes in front of them each day is theirs to do:
1s because of the shoulds and oughts to make the world a better place aided by the inner critic’s urgings;
2s because of all that they feel they need to do in relationship to those around them;
and 6s because of their commitment to do their duty, which often times leads in their unproductive thinking to constant doing.
Aggressive Stance numbers and Withdrawing Stance numbers need to ask this question “What’s mine to do?” as well; but again as the Enneagram wisdom teaches, that reason is different for each number.
Aggressive Stance numbers, 3s, 7s, and 8s love to do. They are busy and active and assertive. So, “What’s mine to do?” is a clarifying question for each day to know where their focus ought to lie. Specifically, it aids in these ways:
For 3s, “What’s mine to do?” brings clarity so that they indeed do what is theirs to do, rather than doing what will impress the person that they are trying to impress OR doing to achieve success so that they feel less shame.
For 7s, “What’s mine to do?” helps them to stay committed to that which is indeed theirs to do. Because 7s are vulnerable to jumping from one activity to another so very quickly to avoid their pain, leaving things unfinished and commitments neglected, they can use this question to ground them to responsibilities and obligations.
For 8s, “What’s mine to do?” sheds light on what they actually are purposed to do since they believe they have boundless energy to accomplish. This question then becomes a healthy “governor” for 8s so that they actually slow down their overuse and overdependence on their own strength.
And finally, for Withdrawing Stance numbers, 4s, 5s, and 9s, the relationship to this question has uniqueness because unlike the others 6 numbers, this question helps to move them towards doing more rather than doing less. “What’s mine to do?” becomes a guiding question to raise their doing repression.
For 4s, this question helps them to see what needs to be done in their personal and professional life so that they are not overwhelmed and paralyzed toward activity because of their exaggerated feelings.
For 5s, “What’s mine to do?” calls them to act on all that they have observed, researched, and processed rather than getting mired in information for information’s sake.
For 9s, “What’s mine to do?” is a catalyst to get the ball rolling, recognizing that getting started with doing is the hardest part for 9s. So then, this question focuses them on tasks that they are responsible for, provoking them toward raising their repressed center of doing.
So much more explanation could be given for each of these. Take a few moments and process for yourself how this simple question, “What’s mine to do?”, could help bring transformation to your life, moving you toward health and wholeness because of the clarity and discernment that come through this question. It might even be a timely question for reflection as for many of us, a new school year is starting with our kids and our faith communities are increasing their activities. “What’s mine to do?” is a question not only for the everyday, but also for seasons we find ourselves in as well as significant life-altering decisions we face.
May we have the grace of discernment through the care we take of our souls to recognize in our number the whys behind our doing and non-doing, accept those motivations as part of who we are, and then take action toward health for ourselves and our relationships!
